Time to be Wild

Many years ago, an article in Mothering magazine speculated if children could act out age-appropriate aggression in pretend play, they may not resort to violence and aggressive grand-standing as adults. What if we gave up more than political incorrectness when children turned in their toy-guns? What if something essential was added to emotional and social development when children ran around fighting good and evil – cops and robbers, Cowboys and Indians, loud scary monsters chasing innocent screaming children.

Allowing outlets for wild play only works with clear rules about not hurting other children. Adults must believe they are capable and resourceful enough to contain mayhem. Adults create safe boundaries when they check in on children’s spontaneous play – children make pretty good decisions when they believe parents see, hear, and know everything. But children are not miniature adults. So, when a child blasts another child in pretend play, it does not conform to the same rationale or consequences as adult behavior. Children pretend to be strong and they pretend to die a thousand deaths. Children are learning about personal and social power. Unfortunately, parents may be living in a world where they fear random acts of violence and possibly feel a sense of powerlessness in the world-at-large.

Children need to roar sometimes. And parents need to carve out time and space for child’s play, Childhood is a magical place but it is also a scary place where children are learning to live in a world that gets bigger with each year. Children feel isolation every time they are scolded but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be scolded. Children fear abandonment with each step of independence but like Hansel and Gretel we encourage them to leave a trail of breadcrumbs so we can find them. Children feel the unfairness of not getting their way but we still guide them to be thoughtful and considerate. Pretend play is the pressure valve on childhood. It blows off steam when adult logic feels oppressive regardless of how necessary.

I respect the right of each parent to ban toy-weapons in homes and in schools. But even if you do, I suspect that many of you will still find your child inventing finger-guns and stick-sabers. Parents teach right and wrong. Children learn exactly what that means by playing on both sides.