Happy Children

Whenever I’ve asked parents what they want for their children, the most frequent answer is “I want my child to be happy.” As I’m writing the new book, The Entitlement-Free Child, I realize how that simple goal can lead parents on an impossible mission.

You cannot “make” your child happy all the time. Happy is not a permanent state. It’s unrealistic to believe your child will b e happy all the time. One emotion cannot sustain your child in all of life’s various situations. You would never want your child “happy” when he sees his friend trip and fall. You would never want your child pretending to be “happy” in the hospital or at a funeral (please see the article How to Say Goodbye to a Goldfish on this website for more discussion on children and funerals).

You do want your child to feel safe and secure in any situation. Your child needs to know that emotions aren’t scary things whether they are his own emotions or the emotions of other people. From infancy to adulthood, your child’s emotional life grows and changes. Babies learn they are loved and lovable. They learn to trust and enjoy the world. They also learn to conquer frustration learning to crawl, walk, and speak. They learn through patience that people will come through for them tomorrow, or a week later. They learn that mommy and daddy still love them after new babies arrive at home or at the end of a very difficult day.

Your child learns emotional stability through ordinary daily challenges. He learns that things get better – boo boo’s heal and so do hurt feelings. People make mistakes and then make them right. Imagine, instead of having to spin your child in a protective cocoon of perfect happiness, you can give your child a life-vest that will keep him afloat in sunshine and in storms.