When Nothing is Something

Summer is almost here and I want to strongly encourage you to do absolutely nothing!

Childhood, like a good episode of Seinfeld, ought to look like a lot of nothing. The problem is that nothing is really something and everything isn’t at all what you hoped it would be. If your child is like most children these days, he’s got too much of everything. And he is missing the joy and the wisdom that only comes from doing nothing. When your child is sitting around with a good share of nothing, I think he will discover the beat of his own heart. And when you and your child are sitting together doing nothing, your child knows he is the most special person on the planet because you choose to spend time with him.

I challenge you to pick a time every week, or possibly every day, to do nothing. This won’t be easy for some of you. So here, I’ll give you a few guidelines:

• Doing nothing means stay rooted to anything you think or feel at this particular moment (watch a bug, smell the breeze, let your body feel heavy or let your body feel light – use your senses)
• Doing nothing means be ready for spontaneous play (listen to any idea that pops into your head and say,”yes and…”
• Doing nothing means your only priority is this moment – no interruptions, no practical distractions allowed
  

When you begin with nothing, you and your child write your own script, follow your own rules, and tease all possibilities out of hiding. Trust that this time of nothing is exactly what your child needs to learn, to love, and to grow. This time of nothing will broaden your child’s curiosity, your child’s imagination, your child’s resourcefulness, and your child’s confidence to be who he is and where he is.

So when I ask you next August, “what did you do on your summer vacation”, I hope you’ll say “nothing”.


A great find: Two weeks ago in mommy and me classes, we were talking about family vacations, travel tips and travel games. When I recommended colorforms™ because they are a perfect “seat game” and even stick on airplane windows, a mom mentioned they are really hard to find these days. Wouldn’t you know, I received an e-newsletter last week from Wondertime that also mentioned colorforms™ as a perfect travel game with a link to Amazon.com. There you go! I also recommend going to Wondertime.com and signing up for their email newsletter – The parent blogs by Catherine Newman and Rand Richards Cooper alone are worth it.

Dare to be yourself!

With Mother’s Day approaching, I can’t help but wonder what it means to be a mother these days. Like so many other images surrounding us, motherhood seems more packaged than ever. Some ideal mother-image exists that captures the essential right-way to be a mom. Your child’s entire future hangs in the balance.

I’m sorry to say, I even preach it sometimes: the early years are a critical time for emotional attachment; family mealtimes are the mainstay of family communication; try to be calm when your child is pushing your buttons. Unfortunately, the messages when delivered by a “professional” can easily be heard as: know all the answers, be perfect, do it all. Mothers are oppressed by external standards. You get caught chasing the ideal - trying to be your “child’s first teacher” exposing your child to enriching experiences all the while building and guarding your child’s fragile self esteem in a treacherous world.

What image lurks in the back in your head as you read the following sentence? Good mothers are _______________________________________________. Patient, loving, and kind. Yes. Giving, fair, and resourceful. Yes. Is that enough? The list will haunt you because it is never-ending. And then, what about all those other things that mothers are – tired, rushed, frustrated and sometimes angry? Those are good mothers too. Those are real mothers having genuine relationships with children who have needs that are constantly changing all while being a woman who also has needs in a complex adult world.

And so, with all the choices that you face as mothers today, I ask you to make one. Dare to be yourself. Make motherhood fit you instead of trying to fit your very real three-dimensional self into a two-dimensional role. You are enough.

Especially in this world where appearances are often sold as the real deal, you are more than enough. Your child needs a person nearby if you want him to grow into a person. Your child needs to live in “real time” if you want her to think and feel and wonder. You will always want to do more and be better for your child. And you will, tomorrow. Today you are enough.