Everything I hear and see suggests that mothers today are more stressed than ever before. A survey on the Today Show compared whether mothers today have it easier or harder than the last generation of mothers. In many ways, mothers today have it easier, particularly when it comes to hands-on dads, innovative career options, and technological advantages that create new work opportunities, parenting resources, and connections to like-minded parents. The other news from that survey mirrored what mothers say in our mommy & me classes. Some 95% claimed that mothers today are more stressed than their mothers.
Is the world today is more stressful? Maybe. But hardship is not new to this generation. I think ambiguity is. Is the world more violent or is it a different kind of violence? There appears to be more fear and more uncertainty – more things beyond a parent’s control.
Problem is I also know that children need to believe that the adults around them can and will protect them. Children deserve safe childhoods surrounded by loving adults who have time to nurture, teach and enjoy them. In 1999, family/work researcher Ellen Galinsky confirmed that what children want from their parents is time and they “wish” that parents would be less stressed. Children see and feel the stress of living in overdrive.
We must stare down the fear of living in uncertain times. Make a list of everything you can “control” in family life. Start small with age-appropriate routines: bedtimes, family stories, and maybe a media-free night. Create a family life that is insulated from the stress of the external world. Children need to believe their families are safe sanctuaries where they can be themselves and be nurtured.
Childhood used to be a time of innocence. Reclaim it for your child with silliness and laughter. Your child knows the way. All you have to do is make the time to follow. Reclaim a small dose of innocence for yourself. That’s one thing your child is happy to share.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
Doctor! Doctor!
The theme this week in Mommy & Me class is “doctors”. Here’s a theme that works well both for the parents and for the children. The children’s activities involve pretend play and interacting with things you find in a doctor’s office. Even our youngest babies are crawling or laying on long sheets of white paper – good practice since so many little children feel vulnerable and out of control being “forced” to lie on that paper. A tray with 50 tongue depressors is fun exploration for those pre-pretend babies.
The toddlers and new two’s will sit around the dolls and teddy bears to play “doctor”. The parents and teachers get things rolling by checking for earaches and talking about that “cold stethoscope” listening to beating hearts and gurgling tummies. In no time, the children are checking one another and caretaking for the dolls. Familiarity and pretend play give children a sense of power and understanding for those sometimes scary doctor visits.
The best activity of all is our “My Doctor” books. You know I think photo books are the very best books in the world. They are personal and meaningful in a way that no store-bought book will ever be. Parents bring in pictures of their children with their pediatrician. The book is only four pages long: the first page with the photo says “my doctor keeps me well”; the second page has a picture of a stethoscope says “with a stethoscope” because I love hearing children trying to say “stethoscope”; the third page with a picture of a syringe says “and a syringe”; the last page you paste on a real band-aid says “and a band-aid for boo boos….All better now!” The book goes into your child’s book basket for your child to revisit again and again before and after doctor visits. Fears are a normal part of childhood but a book in hand makes a potential fear small and manageable.
The doctor theme is also extremely relevant for parents as they discuss how they choose a pediatrician. Every parent sets her own priority. What matters most to you? One pediatrician gives out a cell number while others work in large groups. Some have multiple offices so parents can get office help even when whole cities are without electricity after a hurricane. Some parents choose a pediatrician because of specialized training. Others choose those with a gentle bedside manner who is never condescending or in a hurry.
One of the most valuable lessons of discussing pediatricians among a group of parents is the discovery that there will be so many different answers to any one parenting question. Parents learn that they are active partners in medical choices beginning with the first choice of which doctor best matches their needs and their parenting style.
The toddlers and new two’s will sit around the dolls and teddy bears to play “doctor”. The parents and teachers get things rolling by checking for earaches and talking about that “cold stethoscope” listening to beating hearts and gurgling tummies. In no time, the children are checking one another and caretaking for the dolls. Familiarity and pretend play give children a sense of power and understanding for those sometimes scary doctor visits.
The best activity of all is our “My Doctor” books. You know I think photo books are the very best books in the world. They are personal and meaningful in a way that no store-bought book will ever be. Parents bring in pictures of their children with their pediatrician. The book is only four pages long: the first page with the photo says “my doctor keeps me well”; the second page has a picture of a stethoscope says “with a stethoscope” because I love hearing children trying to say “stethoscope”; the third page with a picture of a syringe says “and a syringe”; the last page you paste on a real band-aid says “and a band-aid for boo boos….All better now!” The book goes into your child’s book basket for your child to revisit again and again before and after doctor visits. Fears are a normal part of childhood but a book in hand makes a potential fear small and manageable.
The doctor theme is also extremely relevant for parents as they discuss how they choose a pediatrician. Every parent sets her own priority. What matters most to you? One pediatrician gives out a cell number while others work in large groups. Some have multiple offices so parents can get office help even when whole cities are without electricity after a hurricane. Some parents choose a pediatrician because of specialized training. Others choose those with a gentle bedside manner who is never condescending or in a hurry.
One of the most valuable lessons of discussing pediatricians among a group of parents is the discovery that there will be so many different answers to any one parenting question. Parents learn that they are active partners in medical choices beginning with the first choice of which doctor best matches their needs and their parenting style.
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