Positive Discipline

Positive discipline is helping your child learn right from wrong (or to make good choices) using the most effective communication and teaching tools at your disposal. Positive discipline works as long as you don’t expect your child to “get it” once and forever. Children don’t “get it” the first time, or even the hundredth; it’s developmentally impossible. That’s when parents panic and they start grasping at false alternatives like someone flailing away as they sink deeper and deeper into quicksand.

The on-going challenge is believing you can teach essential life skills even when you won’t see the results for years to come. Effective discipline always requires clarity and trust. You must be clear about your goals and your actions even when faced with overwhelming uncertainty and guilt. You must guide your child through nerve-racking situations to help your child grow into a likeable, thoughtful, moral person. And you must trust your ability to lead - no matter what.

The two defining questions behind effective discipline are:

1. what are you trying to teach, and
2. what guidance works with your child in this situation at this particular stage of development?

Your answer to the first question is your go-to-thought that anchors each and every discipline action. For example, if your child kicks the dog, you want to teach compassion, gentleness, or other ways of expressing frustration. If your child continually protests bedtime, you may want to teach respect for rules, calming strategies, or the ability to know how much is enough (enough excitement – time to rest). Knowing what’s important helps to define your teaching strategy.

Of course, it takes practice to learn what works and doesn’t work with one particular child or at a particularly challenging stage, especially the child who is your mother’s revenge. My “Daddy Discipline” article includes the following no-fail discipline basics. These 5 strategies works ALL THE TIME even if your child doesn’t “get it” until he’s a parent himself.

1. Mean what you say.
2. Say what you mean.
3. Stay three steps of the situation.
4. If your child is "testing", shut it done quickly.
5. Keep your sense of humor.

I promise - by the time you're a grandparent, you'll have all the answers!