Birth Order

Birth order does not define who and what your child will be in this world. It does help you to understand how family relationships and parenting attitudes influence individual children. Parents have a choice. It’s true first time moms are rarely as laid back as third time moms, unless they were third-borns themselves that is. But awareness helps create balance. A first time parent’s desire to be the best possible parent and rearrange all other priorities around her child’s immediate needs can be tempered. The exhausted mom of four can insist on reasonable expectations for the “baby” of the family and enforce consequences.

You’ve heard the stereotypes before:

First-borns are driven to succeed. Yes, that’s Oprah and the majority of US presidents. First-borns enjoy competition because they expect to win – heck, they had years of practice making up the game rules in their favor with younger siblings.

Middle-borns are great team players and become exceptional managers and leaders. They may also struggle to define their uniqueness because they are so often compared to older and younger siblings. Of course if the older sibling is a different gender, then the middle child still has a unique position as the first boy or first girl.

The last-born is the fun-loving charmer who learned how to sweet talk or cajole to get his way. They gravitate to attention and the limelight but, unfortunately, may not be taken seriously even when they are grown parents themselves.

For a more complete list of birth order traits, read Birth Order from the Child Development Institute. Birth order dynamics are shaped by your family – parents and siblings.

• Consider how your position in your childhood family influences who you are today?
• Who did you marry? A person in the same birth position as you or the opposite?
• How does your birth order affect your parenting style? Are you serious or carefree, a perfectionist or accommodating, organized or messy?

Read this bulletin on Birth Order to “make birth order work” for you by trying some important adaptations. For example:

• Work on saying no (first-born)
• Share the applause (last-born)
• Enjoy your uniqueness (middle-born)
• Exercise extreme caution when expecting too much of yourself (only child)
• Beware of being too independent – don’t blame others for your situation (last-born)
• Never apologize for being conscientious and over-organized (first-born)

Most importantly, become aware of how your attitude and expectations shape your child’s self-perception. Read this month’s Family Time e-newsletter to learn effective parenting strategies for all your children.